“I Would KILL For Straight Hair!”

How many of you curly-haired ladies have angrily shouted that at the mirror while going over your curly-ass roots for the third time because your stupid expensive-ass flat iron won’t straighten them all the way? Ass! God!!!

Here you go again, blaming me for your issues.

And then the Brazilian Blowout came along. It was advertised as “The Best Thing to Happen To Curly Hair” and “A Favorite of Celebrities,” which in layman terms, means its not currently affordable to 99.9% of the population. At $300 to $500 a pop, that’s definitely the case. However, thanks to daily deal sites like LivingSocial & GroupOn, I’ve been able to experience the magic of the 90 minute blowout for just a fraction of the cost, sometimes for as low as $99.

Witchcraft!

This picture isn’t an exaggeration. The Brazilian Blowout is really that goddamn magical, but no magical elixir comes without a steep price.

Just ask Harry Potter.

For a while now, the FDA has been warning consumers and stylists about the “funeral home level” of formaldehyde that is contained in the company’s products. Is it the absolute truth, or are lawmakers relying on scare-tactics to get their point across? I do not know. There’s too much politics involved for me to even know what the right decision is.

Some salons offer “formaldehyde-free” Brazilian blowouts, and even the original BB company themselves is pushing their new product called Brazilian Blowout Zero. I am all for the safety of our wonderful hair stylists and of course, it’s in everyone’s best interest to remain cancer-free. Hopefully these issues can get ironed out (HAIR PUN!) and everyone can go along on their merry way!

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Got my dreams crushed by dry shampoo…

For a woman like myself with unruly, often belligerently frizzy hair, daily shampooing and conditioning is out of the question. Weekly washing of my hair is more realistic. With the time it takes to wash, blow dry, & flat iron…forget it! I mean, there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to get a decent workout in after work and then park in front of the TV for my required 6 hours of Bravo TV a night (I love you Andy Cohen!!!). Clearly I make some sacrifices, but dirty, sweaty hair isn’t one of them (sorry, this post is starting to sound like a tampon commercial). That’s when I turn to dry shampoo, which can be a wonderful thing. Sometimes.

Enter Suave dry shampoo. This economical, trustworthy looking can looks great. It retails for less than $3 and you can get it pretty much anywhere. I followed the directions exactly: shook can, held said can 8-10 inches away from my hair, sprayed directly on oily roots, used heat from my hands to absorb the excess powder. It worked just fine. The fact that it left that powdery, sticky substance on my hair was kind of off-putting, but I can handle it. After this first use, I was satisfied with Suave’s dry shampoo. When I went back to use the can a second time (a few days later), the can was COMPLETELY empty. Unusable. All gone. Why????

Because fuck you, that's why.

I thought I was going crazy, so I bought another can home. This time I used it twice, and when I went for it a third time, it was completely empty again.  Really? Am I an idiot or is this happening to anyone else? 

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