What.The.

Yo, is this an ad for Lady Gaga’s new black perfume, or just a “sexy” Gulliver’s Travels reboot?

Smell Good PSA

Let’s make a conscious decision to always, ALWAYS, smell good. Kay? Believe me, some people (including some that I am forced to be in close proximity with on a daily basis) just forget this.

IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I love Penny from Happy Endings, and I think we should be a little more like her, but not in this way!

Not in this way either:

Scratch that. Let’s not just smell GOOD, let’s smell

**Gif via http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/penny-hartz?before=1331375803

Love Stinks

Everybody knows that no one does black minimalist quite like Vera Wang.

She's 60-f*ckin-2. LOOK AT HER!!!!! 62!!!

So why on earth did she decide to go all pink and fluffy for her new perfume “Lovestruck?”

And yes, it smells exactly like how it looks.

Yuck. For your safety, I have compiled a short list of things “Lovestruck” smells like:

  1. 62 year old mothballs
  2. 62 flowers shoved up your nose
  3. 62 hearts of disappointed aspiring young fashionistas
  4. 62 flower shaped potpourri balls
  5. 62 crazy cat ladies

It ain’t cute!

The Philosophy of Life

Oh, I wish you could feel the horror I felt when I discovered I ran out of moisturizer yesterday. It’s like if Mario Lopez were to ever run out of hair gel or if Chelsea Handler were to ever run out of vodka.

DON'T let it happen.

I hightailed it to the nearest Philosophy counter at Macys because I’ve always wanted to try “Hope in a Jar,” the souffle-like magical compound designed to smooth the complexion while reducing the appearance of wrinkles and discoloration. But of course, I got distracted. Which is not good in Macys, because if for one split second you show any kind of uncertainty near their counter, the makeup ladies will pounce. I felt like a can of PBR walking into a pit of extremely thirsty, yet cautiously aloof hipsters. I had to protect myself.

“So, what’s up with all of these scents?” I casually asked the salesgirl, who at this point, was attached to my hip and holding on for dear life.

“Oh, this is Amazing Grace. Have you smelled it? It’s my favorite.”

I gave it a sniff. It smelled AMAZING. I had to play it cool, though. If I expressed any kind of interest, getting out of the makeup area without buying anything would be harder than getting out of a Las Vegas timeshare presentation. “Hmm,” I said, taking a step away. She didn’t buy it.

“Smell the hand lotion! It’s the BEST!”

I did.

I was toast.

I moaned in pleasure.

It was rather embarrassing.

This scent: it was familiar…yet brand new. What was it?

How was I not a part of this cult of women who ferociously devour philosophy products?

LadyCrack

Philosophy says that this scent is so light and feminine that people will simply tell you “You smell amazing,” rather than “What perfume are you wearing?” Thats when it hit me. I’ve smelled this before. This smells like the little handsoaps you get in your hotel room at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas! Can anyone confirm this so I don’t feel crazy?

I think I am obsessed with the smell of Amazing Grace. Definitely not with Hope in a Jar, because it smells nasty once it’s on your face, for some reason. Philosophy, why would you do that to us?

Here is a definitive list of things Amazing Grace smells like:

  • A hug from a baby
  • The underside of a rainbow
  • Scented love
  • A unicorn’s kiss
  • A light pink cloud
  • Blue Ivy Carter’s eyelashes
  • A cherub’s soul

Need you any more convincing? Get out of here and get your own grace, before I buy it all. Please. Save me from myself.

philosophy | Amazing Grace | $5-105 | http://www.philosophy.com or at select retail outlets 

The Smell of Sadness

Did you know that Jennifer Aniston has her own fragrance?

What do you think it smells like?

Jeans? Loneliness? Justin Theroux’s beard? Purple bikinis? The secretly and illegally harvested tears of Shiloh, Pax, Zahara, Maddox, Knox, & Vivienne?

What!!! I’m just asking!!!

**UPDATE**

I received a free sample of this perfume with my Sephora order, and OH MY GAH!

Let me just tell you. You know that aunt you have…the older one that lives alone and talks to her cockroaches? Yeah. This perfume smells like her house. Thanks a lot, Jen. Now I’m freakin’ depressed.

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