Girl, I Didn’t Know You Could Get Down Like That!

We all love Beyonce, but I think everyone can agree that she’s kind of being a twat lately.

Did she give birth here or is this the set of a new explosive hospital drama?

Calm down, woman. To commemorate the Carter’s reign of terror at the Lennox Hill hospital, let’s take a look at Queen B’s most ridiculous looks. Since the Universe no longer allows pictures of her looking disastrous, we had to go back. Way back. Destiny’s Child, what’s up?

You ready, B?

#5:

Okay. I know this was the 90s and all, but my GOD Tina Knowles. Way to throw the girls in every pink/denim/snake pleather concoction you could get your hands on in JoAnn’s Fabrics. Also, pink and red boots? This girl is going to run the world in 10 years and you decide to outfit her in THIS?! I feel bad for Kelly Rowland. Tina always makes her wear the gross bikini tops, but that’s probably because she has the upper body of an 8-year old boy. No one cares about the other two.

#4:

Oh good, they got rid of that other girl. Unfortunately, the three girls left standing now must pick up the slack of wearing ugly clothes for four. Fabric costs must have been going up because Tina made all three of the girls wear revealing bikini tops this time. And what on EARTH is this design? Who thought black lace and yellow flowers would be a good idea? No No No. And did they have to stand in this order, attached to the hip all night for the lace pattern to make sense? Tina, someone’s gotta answer for this!

#3:

Ugh, the girl no one cares about is back! Let’s see…what’s going on here? From what it looks like, Tina found a bunch of faux Hermes store scarves, faux Dior material, and denim scraps and decided to throw something together for the girls. This is so ugly I could lose my breath. Thanks Tina. I think they’d be better off wearing bikini tops made out of that red carpet.

#2:

Speaking of carpet, I imagine Tina was running out of design ideas and just ripped apart the couch in the girls’ dressing room. I feel bad posting this picture. Look at the shoes that they’re all wearing. These days, B has her bills bills bills in order and wouldn’t be caught dead in those.

#1:

Excuse me for a minute, won’t you?

Okay, I’m back. I had to take a few minutes to get my thoughts together because Tina really outdid herself this time. How inappropes are these outfits? Belly baring women in their 20s wearing Boy Scout uniforms. Yuck. Did Tina take a step back and ask herself, “Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyonce, can you handle this? I don’t think you can handle this!” Obviously not.

Thankfully, Beyonce fired her parents and we’re left with a saner looking group:

Stunning, independent women.

Love you B! Congrats on the birth of your baby girl, but seriously, stop acting like you’re the first person to push a little bug a boo out.

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